12/24/2016 0 Comments Hearing God's Voice through PeopleCan God use the same mode of communication to speak to us as he did to foretell Jesus coming to earth as a baby? I was sitting in a meeting in Moose Jaw, Sask. hoping that God would do something special for me so I would go home different than how I had come. The speaker was walking back and forth at the front, speaking to about 45 people. This was the first time I had heard this man speak but not the first time I had listened to a prophet. This man kind of yelled when he talked, but as he spoke a lot of what he was saying or yelling registered with my life, and what I had been thinking and feeling lately. The man would stop now and then and talk directly to people in the audience. Not just at them, but directly to them. He wasn’t yelling then, just speaking seriously as if in a conversation with them. One time he stopped and looked at me and said, “I see you working on people.” Then he repeated himself, “I see you working on people, I see you working in people, and they are changing on the inside and they are changing on the outside. I see a beautician’s chair.”
This man is not a psychic. In Ephesians in the Bible it says that one of the offices in the church, is a prophet. The other offices are apostles, evangelists, pastors and teachers, we hear more about these other offices. The office of a prophet is something I have only heard and learned about in the last 14 years. I had never heard of it before that, except in the Old Testament. In the New Testament in Ephesians 4:11 (NKJV) says “And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers,” Since that day, I have had many prophetic words, or messages from God through people; that have encouraged, edify, and exhorted me. In simple English that means that these specific messages were aimed at my heart saying only what God could know about my life, and what I was thinking and feeling. I have always left these meetings built up, encouraged, and with new direction on what to do with a specific situation or situations in my life. Something explicit about a prophetic message is that it always comes from a place of love and draws you closer to God. (Always) 1 Corinthians 14:3 (NKJV) But he who prophesies speaks edification and exhortation and comfort to men. The other fun thing about prophecy is that the people in the office of a prophet, when speaking to me have never been wrong, as far as I can recall. I may have had a young person who is practicing miss it, but not one of the people who God has been working through for many years. I have had some pretty specific words. Sometimes when I have been in tough situations God has given me just the right message to pull me out of the worry and out of the situation, or to set me in the right direction. It also adds some mystery and interest to my life. I’m not sure where I would be today if I had not been introduced to this part of God’s ministry. Prophecy is God, who created the whole universe, specifically speaking to us in that moment. It has been around since the world began. God used people to prophecy Christ’s coming. 700 years before Jesus birth It was prophesied that he would come out of Bethlehem. At least 600 years before Jesus birth it was said a virgin would give birth to a baby who they were to call Emmanuel-(God with us.) Scientific evidence and Hebrew scholars have proven that these prophecies were written down between 700 and 600 BC. BC means before Christ was born. This was spoken out of a man’s mouth. When I recognized that I was intrigued. Isaiah 7:14 (NIV) Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Immanuel – (Hebrew) meaning “God with us" It was prophesied that Jesus would come down from the line of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, which was confirmed later in the New Testament. These verses are near the bottom of the page. Jesus would come from the clan of Judah, and come out of Bethlehem. Prophecy: Micah 5:2 (NIV) “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” And one of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Isaiah 53, which is all about Jesus growing up, paying the price for our sins, iniquities, and sickness so we could live free. Prophecy: Isaiah 53: (NKJV) 3 He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 4 Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. It was prophesied that Jesus would be a descendant of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. These are the verses: Genesis 12:3, Genesis 22:18, Matthew 1:1, Romans 9:5, Genesis 17:19 , Genesis 21:12, Luke 3:34 Numbers 24:17, Matthew 1:2, Genesis 49:10, Luke 3:33, Hebrews 7:14 In conclusion, God can speak to us in the same way as he spoke to people a few thousand years ago. He can help us immeasurably through the messages He can give us through meer men. http://christianity.about.com/od/biblefactsandlists/a/Prophecies-Jesus.htm
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12/23/2016 0 Comments Accessing Help When We Need ItThere are promises that God has made to us, that we never see come to pass. This is never God’s fault.
All is not lost though, because as we lean in to Him desiring to learn more about Him, and the faith He has provided for us, as well as learning to live in His promises, He is encouraging us to grow in Him. He is teaching us, and growing us into who He has planned us to be. He wants us to succeed in living in His promises, and becoming the person He knows we can be. As we search, He will help us to get there. He has promised us many things: protection, everlasting life, peace, healing, help in times of trouble, and that He will guide us, supply all our needs, and tell us of things to come. Also, that we will do greater things than He did and this is just to name a few. There are thousands of promises and the Bible says in “2 Corinthians 1:20 (NKJV) For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.” Jesus death on the cross paid for everything we would need here on earth to live victoriously. If receiving and living in God’s promises is not working for us, then there is something we need to learn about our promise giver or about the promises themselves. Here is an illustration of what I mean: I heard this example using a rocket ship, but I have used a Zero Turn mower in its place. I am somewhat familiar with it. If you get into your vehicle, turn it on, put it in reverse, and it doesn’t move, you could assume that it is frozen up in Canadian 30 degrees below weather, but undoubtedly you can assume there is something wrong with your vehicle. But if you sit on a zero turn mower, and turn it on, push a few buttons, and it won’t go anywhere, you can assume there is something you don’t know, or haven’t done right. You see with these mowers, there is a sequence of things you must do or the mower won’t move. It will even stall if you do something wrong. I’m not saying it takes our works to have God do things to help us. I’m saying He has set up the world differently than we may think. There are laws and actions that need to be followed to access His best like the law of gravity, and the law of lift, while flying an airplane. And we don’t have to be perfect to make it work, but we do need to do things the way He says to do them in the New Testament. And when we do, it does work. A verse that expresses this is “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” I remember asking God to do things for me many times and nothing would happen. Did I think He would, or did I just hope He would? I just hoped He would but without faith it is impossible to please Him. I could have assumed His answer was “No,” but I was hearing from the Bible that He is to be our helper, and to ask and you shall receive. Over and over I would ask Him to help me to no avail, until I gave Him a problem expecting Him to fix it and I didn’t take it back. When I expected Him to fix it, He did. That is what faith is; believing that He will do what He said He will do. A good example of Jesus being available, and wanting to do things for people, but the people never got His help, was when Jesus went to His own hometown. He had done many miracles and healed lots of people before that, but there in His own hometown where they thought He was just the boy from down the street, not many miracles happened. It wasn’t because He didn’t want to do miracles It was because of their unbelief that He could only heal a few people. The people didn’t believe He could do it so they didn’t receive their healing. Just like now. I believe He always wants to fulfill the promises He has made to us, but we must learn how to access those promises. The biggest key I can give here is that we all need to learn how to live by faith. Not just believing that God is, but believing that by His promises we can access specific help from Him. He says faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. Faith, believing that we have what we are hoping for, is key. And from Mark 11:23-24 we need to ask believing without doubting. This comes through hearing His promises and believing them with our hearts. It’s not just about knowing them in our heads, it is about believing it in our hearts. I have missed receiving the promises, and I have received His promises enough to decipher where I have missed the mark most of the time. The promises must be in the Bible or line up with the Bible or we cannot expect it to be answered. We can’t believe for something that He hasn’t already given us. 2 Peter 1:3-4 (NKJV) as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. Promises 1 John 5:11 (NKJV) And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. Psalm 91 explains God’s protection. Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV) You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Philippians 4:7 (NKJV) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. John 15:7 (NKJV) If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. John 16:13 (NKJV) However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. Philippians 4:19 (NKJV) And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. John 14:12 (NKJV) “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. Faith James 1:5-6 (NKJV) If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. Mark 11:23-24 (NKJV) For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. James 4:2 (NKJV) You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. Jesus couldn’t do miracles because of their unbelief. Mark 6:5 (NKJV) Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. Matthew 13:53-58 (NKJV) Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these parables, that He departed from there. 54 When He had come to His own country, He taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished and said, “Where did this Man get this wisdom and these mighty works? 55 Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary? And His brothers James, Joses, Simon, and Judas? 56 And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this Man get all these things?” 57 So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house.” 58 Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief. 12/17/2016 0 Comments My Father the King I prayed about the situation someone was in before going to sleep one night. I woke up to an amazing dream that took me to another level of confidence in God. I know this dream was given as an answer for them, if they could have pursued it. What the dream left me with made me know it was for me also. I won’t reveal the other people’s situation specifically; just how awesome God is. I was aware from the beginning of the dream that I had a mother and father, and that my father was the king of the whole country. I didn’t think much about the fact that he was the king, it was just the way it was. At the end of the dream I was in a tough spot, a situation I didn’t like, and I knew I needed help getting away from where I was, and to top it off I couldn’t have my dog at that place. That sounds kind of insignificant, but once you know how important my dog is to me, you know why the dog was used in the dream to make me want to get out of the situation I was in. I had a brilliant thought, I will go to my Dad, He is the king. He will have the resources, the connections and the ability to pull strings that I need to have pulled to get me out of the situation I am in, and get me back to where I want to be. I had no qualms about going to him with this problem. I wasn’t afraid of Him. I wasn’t apprehensive about whether he would do it or not. It was like I knew he would do it, and all I had to do was ask. It was as if I knew my Dad, the king, loved me and would do almost anything for me. It was like I was His princess and I knew it. I have watched my daughters in a similar role and love to see their confidence asking for what they need. When I woke up and recognized this, it was such a great feeling. I don’t have a dad here on earth that I can go to and ask for even the normal things you would ask a father to do for you. Father God has answered many prayers for me helping me out of a lot of problems. I have heard Him in dreams, visions and His still small voice, but this was a different picture of God than I had had before. This was a picture of my father who is the King, having all the wealth and resources in the world and through Him they are available to me. To add to that He is a loving Father who I can go to like a child and tell Him my needs and my wants, and I can expect that He will want to help me with them and to fulfill the desires that I have. I had the sense that not only was, and is Father God my father, but He wants to do more for me than I had ever asked or thought. I could think this is going beyond what the Bible says but thankfully it isn’t. Having the personal revelation of this made it more real to me. The first step is to delight yourself in the Lord or in other words spend time with Him, get to know Him and in doing so I hope you have a similar revelation to mine. The next step is reading verses like the verses below and taking them by faith, and stepping out believing that Father God will do what He says He will do. He is an everpresent help in times of need. Ephesians 3:20 (KJV) Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Psalm 95:3 (KJV) For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods. Psalm 37:4 (KJV) Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Matthew 7:7 (NKJV) “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Psalm 46:1 (NKJV) God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV) But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I explained in my last blog entry, how after only being married to Neil for a year, he was diagnosed with leukemia, and how I had cried out to God to find out if healing was something He wanted to do for us today. God showed me that healing was from Him, and He put me in a position where I could learn about it. He also gave me some personal verification that Neil was going to make it. I will continue.
The process of receiving a stem cell transplant was not a simple one. They gave Neil chemo to kill off his immune system, and put in his sister Kathy’s stem cells, so they would regrow a new health one. After a few weeks in the hospital we moved to a sterile apartment but had to go back to the hospital every day. A week and a half later, Neil got a water infection, and with a compromised immune system this could be deadly. He was put back in the hospital. Neil was hooked up to machines and monitors, and the nurses were giving him morphine by a pump. He was unconscious from the drugs, so he couldn’t feel the horrible pain in his head. I sat with him all day, and when evening came I stood by his bad and said. “God said, you are healed, and I know you are going home with me”. I left the hospital and went back to our apartment. I could relax that evening because I believed Neil was going to be okay. I had chosen to believe it. I trusted that God had told me that Neil is healed, so I did believe it. I was also believing the verse, “Whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you receive it and you shall have it.” I had learned that there is no room for doubt when you are trusting God. When I went back to the hospital the next morning, Neil was sitting on the side of his bed getting ready to go back to the apartment with me. One night at Springs Church I went up for prayer. I met another pastor, named Pastor Ernest. He had had a stem cell transplant a few years earlier. He told me he would go over to the hospital to pray for Neil and he did. Pastor Ernest also set me up with box after box of tapes I was borrowing from a lady from Steinbach. I listened and wrote notes constantly and my faith grew. A couple of months later we were staying with a friend on the edge of the city. Neil had woken up at least four times in the night with bad pain in his stomach. He had another attack in the shower, and one as he lay on the couch waiting for our daily trip to the hospital. This one buckled him over. I went over and put my hands on his stomach, and prayed the way Pastor Leon and all the tapes had taught me to pray. When we got to the hospital we told the doctor what had happened. He took Neil for an ultrasound or a CT scan. I ‘m not sure which, but when he came back a half hour later he said, “Two other doctors and myself, looked at these test results and we can’t figure out why Neil isn’t in the hospital, hooked up to all sorts of machines a very sick man. But your sitting here and your fine so you can go. He told us that Neil had a hole, and a good-sized pocket in his intestinal wall, but that the hole had closed. He looked baffled, but I knew what happened. Years later I mentioned this event to his nurse. She told me that she had heard about it at the time, when news of it spread around the hospital. It has been fourteen years since Neil’s transplant and he is working and doing well. He does have minor eye problems but I believe if we press in to God for them they will be healed too. The Bible says we can lay hands on the sick and they shall recover. I like to do this. I have had people come back and tell me that the things I have prayed for, have happened. I’m not batting 100, but it’s not me who does the healing that is God’s job. He tells us to lay hands on the sick and they will recover, and go out and heal the sick. People have come back to me with stories of healing enough, that it makes me want to keep doing it. God is a loving God. Our job is to believe Him. I said this changed my life. Through this event, I learned that the book of Acts, and the Books of Corinthians are for today. These books talk about the gifts of the Spirit, one of which is healing. I share more about these gifts in other blogs entries. At the same time, I learned about faith. Some people get healed by the gifts of the Spirit, but more get healed through faith. Faith is how I have a lot of prayers answered. I used to believe that faith meant just believing in God. It is, but there is a more specific meaning for the word faith, and through it we can move mountains. God wants to do more for us than we can ask or think, and all things are possible to those who believe, but most of all, all things are possible with God. Proverbs 4:20-22 (NKJV) My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. 21 Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; 22 For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their flesh Psalm 107:20 (NKJV) He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions. John 1:1 (NKJV) In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. This is talking about Jesus being God part of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and that He was there from the beginning. God was going to send Him to earth to pay for our healing. Jesus did that by taking the stripes on His back. So God sent His word(Jesus) and healed them. And He healed and taught His disciples how to heal as they walked with Him on the earth. Ephesians 3:20 (NKJV) Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, Matthew 19:26 (NKJV) But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Mark 9:23 (NKJV) Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Matthew 17:19-20 (NKJV) Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. Mark 16:18 (NKJV) 18 they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” There are many more healing scriptures that can be found by a google search. They need to be taken every day like medicine. Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV) But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Psalms 103:2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: 3 Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Isaiah 53:5 (NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. I had been married to Neil for a year when we were told he had chronic myeloid leukemia. Again, I cried out to God and this time it changed my life forever, as well as kept me from falling apart entirely.
We had married in August of 2000. In August of 2001 we sat listening to the doctor warning us that this chronic leukemia could go into the accelerated, and then blast phases at any time and when it did Neil wouldn’t live too long. This is when I went on one of my many walks seeking God for answers. By this time God had answered enough prayers for me that I knew He was real, and I knew He would answer me if I pushed in to Him. My question for Him this time was “Is the healing that I saw and heard about on TV, on the Miracle Channel, real?” When I was a teenager, I watched a show that portrayed healing as a sham, but I had recently watched a few healing programs and recognized that they were using scriptures from the Bible, and teaching as if we are still to believe those healing scriptures are for today. Scriptures like By Jesus stripes you are healed, and God sent His word and healed them and delivered them from their destructions, and Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases. The one that made me wonder most was God’s words are life to those who find them and health to all their flesh. I would hear these verses, and I would see people doing things they didn’t seem to be able to do before, but I was skeptical so I kept asking my questions. The doctors told us that Neil’s best chance for survival was a stem cell transplant. They only gave him a 50% chance of making it through, and maybe up to a 75% chance, because he hadn’t gotten really sick yet, and he wasn’t that old. Neil was set up for his stem cell transplant in Winnipeg for Aug of 2002. His sister Kathy was a perfect match, so she could be his stem cell donor. We started planning for the girls to be looked after while we were away. There were a few significant times during that year that God did things that made me lean towards believing that healing was for Him and for now, but I was still unconvinced so I continued to push in to God. I prayed for Neil to be healed every day. Then one day, I was watching a Miracle Channel program where a little girl who was only able to walk using crutches, walked without them for the first time, and my legs tingled from my hips down. I wondered if I had pinched a nerve in my back. I didn’t want to miss God if He was telling me that healing was from Him, but I just needed more proof than that. I decided to call the number on the TV screen. But first I prayed “God please put someone on the other end of this phone that I will know is from you.” A lady answered, and I asked “Do you believe in healing?” “Yes,” she answered. “Can you tell me why?” I asked. “Yes. Three years ago, my daughter had a serious learning disability. The doctors were doing all they could, the teachers were doing all they could, and I was doing all I could, but the school would phone me every day and I would cry every day. But… you could only know what that is like if it happened to you,” she said. As she spoke an excitement grew in me. That exact scenario had happened to me, so I knew God had set up that phone call. The lady went on to tell me that she had taken her daughter to a youth pastor once a week for six months, and her daughter doesn’t have the disability any longer. She told me about a pastor named Leon Fontaine from Winnipeg, who had come to their church in Ontario, and taught about healing. She talked about Leon’s healing ministry, and his church in Winnipeg, Springs Church. I had watched his program a couple of time before, and I knew what I was going to be doing when I got to Winnipeg. I was going to Springs Church. August came and we drove to Winnipeg. We got settled into our hospital room on the cancer ward called G6. In G6, they like a family member to stay in the room with the patient to watch them more closely than the nurses can. The following day the stem cell procedure began. That evening I headed for a church service at Springs Church. After the service, I met a lady named Marilyn, she took me to meet Pastor Leon. He gave me a couple of sets of tapes on healing and told me that as I listened to them my faith for healing would grow. I lay in my cot in our hospital room and listened to them over and over, and wrote many pages of notes. I woke up one morning with this great feeling on me, and I heard these words, “Neil is healed!” go through my head. I looked over at Neil. He didn’t look any different but I knew that that message was from God. I recognized that I couldn’t believe Neil had been instantly healed, but I could believe that I was going to take him home with me. I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia quite a few years earlier. Fibromyalgia is a stress related illness, and often creates symptoms of worry and depression. Believing that Neil was coming home with me changed everything. From that day forward I used those words, Neil is healed, to push out any negative thoughts that came into my head. Those words were more powerful than my doubts, the depression that pushed at me, and even more powerful than what the doctors said. To be continued… Proverbs 4:20-22 (NKJV) My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. 21 Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; 22 For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their flesh. Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV) But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Psalms 103:2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: 3 Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Isaiah 53:5 (NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. Psalm 107:20 (NKJV) He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions. 12/1/2016 0 Comments Maggie Mae Holmes (the back Story)Most of you know I was born Marjorie Howden and I have explained in my Maggie Mae blog entry how I got the name Maggie. Now I want to tell you about the name Holmes.
A friend named Kathy Holmes and I went to camp one summer. After our week of camp her parents took us to the lake for the weekend. It was a lot of fun. We went for boat rides, had campfires, and Kathy, her fourteen-year-old brother Neil, and his friend, waterskied. I watched. One evening, the four of us went for a walk. Kathy and Neil wanted to show us the ski jumper’s ramp and the turtle pond. As we walked down a trail through the bush, I noticed that Kathy and Neil’s friend were walking in front of us holding hands. Then I felt Neil take my hand, and he stopped. That stopped me abruptly too. He leaned over and kissed me. In shock, I turned back toward the path and began walking again. I had just turned twelve, and wasn’t interested in boys yet. After we saw the turtle pond and the ski jump, I felt myself hurrying back to the campsite. I didn’t want to get stopped by Neil again. I think he got the hint. He never tried a second time. Two years later, I was sitting in English class working on a poetry assignment. I was trying to find a poem that I liked. We were supposed to research the poet and write a paper on him or her. I read a lot of poems before I found one I understood and liked. When I turned the page, and finished it, I read the author’s name, Marjorie Holmes. I thought about Neil. I thought of his curly blond hair, nice skin, his blue eyes and the kiss. ‘Marjorie Holmes, that would be nice,’ I thought. I continued to research Marjorie Holmes, and found out that she had written a lot of different things, including many poems. A short time later, the grade twelves were holding a hop, which was a junior high dance in the school gym. My friend met me at the end of my lane, and we went to the hop together. We had been best friends since she moved to town, when I was ten and she was eleven. You didn’t hear one of our names without the other for many years. It was either Val and Marj, or Marj and Val. People always got us confused when we were alone, and some people still do. Anyway, we went to the hop together. We danced a few dances with each other and with a few other girls. Then the announcer called out a Sadie Hawkins dance, which usually included about three dances in a row, where the girls were to ask a guy to dance. I thought about asking Neil to dance but I was too chicken. What if he said, “No?” I leaned in to Val and said, “Ask Neil Holmes to dance and then I will.” She kind of looked at me funny and said, “Okay.” I went and asked a guy to dance who had asked me to dance at a previous hop. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t say no to me and he didn’t. Val danced with Neil for all three of those Sadie Hawkins dances, and for a few more after that. I found girls to dance with and had a pretty good evening. When Val walked me home, we stopped at the end of my lane and she said. “Neil and I are going steady.” I was a little surprised but I thought, ‘Val had no idea I had a little crush on Neil. He didn’t even know I was interested and he probably wouldn’t have wanted me anyway. Val was more his type.’ And from that point forward, it was Val and Neil, and I got used to that. Although, I can say I never really felt relaxed and comfortable around him. A year and a half later, I began going out with Val’s brother. The four of us spent a lot of time together double dating, camping, going to drive-ins and just hanging out at each other’s houses. Val and Neil went together for nine years. When they broke up, Neil moved up north. I married Val’s brother in 1984 and we had three beautiful daughters within the next ten years. After fifteen years, my marriage fell apart. This shook me up a lot but I lived through it. A year after my marriage split up I met Neil on Main Street. He had moved back from Thompson, MB and was now working in Saskatchewan. He came by a couple of times after that and played computer games with the girls. Then, one day he called me up and asked if I wanted to go up to his place and watch a movie with him. “Just two old friends hanging out,” he said. I thought about that and wondered if we could stay in the friend zone. I was pretty lonely for adult company so I said, “yes.” It was just that, two old friends hanging out and it was nice. The next time he asked me up to his house he had made a meal to go with the movie. Ham and scalloped potatoes, homemade macaroni salad, lettuce salad and the works. I was impressed. A few weeks later, I had plans with Val to go to the lake for the long weekend. It was to be Val, the girls and me. I was looking forward to spending some time with my friend and with the girls. But Val had to cancel. This is not a regular occurrence; it was just the way it happened. I wandered around the house like a lost puppy wondering what I was going to do with my July 1st weekend now. I thought about going to a hotel, just the girls and I, or getting a cabin at the lake but neither intrigued me at all. I felt very alone. Then the phone rang. It was Neil. He wondered what I was doing on the weekend, so I told him what I had been thinking. “Why don’t I get us each a room in Minot and we’ll take the kids and do everything there is to do there?” he asked. So that’s what we did. He was great with the girls, and a complete gentleman with me. The only thing I noticed that was kind of strange was that anytime we were close he shook like a leaf. I took that to mean he was uncomfortable around me as well. My barriers came down a bit that day, and the flame that I once had for Neil began to reappear. As time went by I learned to trust that his kind heart would keep me safe. The fact that he already cared for the girls made that part a lot easier. So that was how the first boy I ever kissed came back into my life. We were married in the year 2000 and haven’t looked back. And I think it is neat how I am enjoying writing, and my name Is Marjorie Holmes. But if you haven’t read it, you will want to read Maggie Mae. |
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